Claire Takes A Dragon To Chuck E Cheese
by Lord Kristine
Summary: The title.


Claire's problems could not be solved easily, but one issue in particular might be a candidate for a quick fix . . . according to Owen, anyway. He had been wrong more times than Claire could remember, but there was always a chance that his advice might be accurate for once, statistically speaking.

"If you want to make the dragon happy, take her to Chuck E. Cheese."

Then again, maybe not.

"Chuck E. Cheese?" Claire echoed.

"Yes. She's absolutely in love with the place. As long as you keep paying for her tokens, she'll forget all about the fact that you essentially murdered her granddaughter."

"She's not technically dead . . ."

"I know, but she may as well be. Anyway, the dragon is pretty shallow, so I'm sure she can be bought."

"Positive?"

"Mhm. I stepped on one of her snail babies the other day, and after our trip to Chuck E. Cheese, she forgave me."

"And how much did that cost you?"

Owen rubbed the back of his neck.

"Whatever is missing from Lily's college fund . . . Don't give me that look! We can afford it regardless, and I don't want to be on the bad side of a dragon!"

"She'd probably turn you into a jerboa . . . or breathe fire all over your face."

"Exactly. I'd end up a crisp rat. Point is, she's super mad at you, and we should nip this in the bud before it's too late."

Claire sighed and slid forward on the table, reaching for her coffee mug.

"Alright. What do I have to do?"

"Drop the wings, change, go to Chuck E. Cheese, and pay for tokens."

"Plus food?"

"She's not interested in food unless it comes with free tickets or tokens."

"What's the difference?"

"You use tokens to play games- well, _you_ don't, _she_ does- and when the game is over, she wins tickets."

"How many?"

"Depends on the type of game and how well she does."

"And more tickets equals more forgiveness?"

"Sort of, but she doesn't always play the games that get her a lot of tickets."

Claire rubbed her brow.

"Why not?"

"Because she likes to have fun."

"Fine. How do I know when it's over?"

"When you run out of money . . . Don't give me that look! It's worth it!"

"Worth it? How?"

"Because she stops being mad, and starts being happy."

"I honestly don't care if she's happy."

Owen shrugged.

"That's fine. _I_ didn't really care at first, but she was grateful, and I thought it was sweet. She thanked me afterwards."

"Oh, well, if she _thanked_ you . . ."

"Hey, don't be like that. I crushed her child with my boot by accident, and she ended up thanking me at the end of the night. That's pretty powerful."

"So she's shallow _and_ stupid."

Owen shrugged.

"You can whine about it all you want, but you asked for my advice, and I gave it to you."

Claire huffed.

"Fine. I'll go to the stupid restaurant with Elkay, but I'm not spending over twenty dollars. I don't think I can 'drop' my wings, either."

"That's fine. I don't think anyone will question you in a joint like that."

"Just please tell me she doesn't go as a dragon."

"She does, but other people don't see her that way. It's magic, I assume."

Claire nodded.

"Can she hide my wings?"

"Dunno. You should ask her."

"I'd like to keep our interaction to a minimum."

***CEC***

Unfortunately for Claire, the dragon was quite gabby. After an initial sardonic greeting (laced with not-so-subtle backhanded compliments ["I'm glad you made the trip to see me in this weather. Almost makes me wonder if you don't feel the snow because of your cold, uncaring heart."]), Claire smiled politely and brought up Chuck E. Cheese, after which the dragon erupted into a nonstop motormouth extravaganza, which would be rivaled only if she were to snort cocaine before speaking (God forbid). Her enthusiasm might be charming, if she hadn't spent the past few days threatening to "stick her hand down Claire's throat and pull her colon through her mouth", which Owen said was kind of hot (clearly, he didn't know much about anatomy . . . or maybe he did, and she had reason for alarm). Anyway, Claire marched into Chuck E. Cheese with a deep frown as the dragon bounded in circles around her, making neat pawprints in the snow.

"Oh, Claire, this is gonna be so much fun! Imma play all the games where you gotta shoot stuff in animals' mouths. One of them is a dragon."

"Uh-huh."

They entered the building, and Claire marched up to the zit-covered teen at the front desk, as ashamed as he was to be in this establishment.

"Hi. I would like to buy ten tokens."

"Ten?!" Elkay repeated with disbelief, "You can't do anything with _ten_!"

"Fifteen, then."

Elkay rolled her eyes.

"Claire, it's cheaper to buy in bulk."

"No, it's cheaper to spend as little as possible. We'll take ten coins."

"Tokens."

"Whatever."

The teenager nodded.

"Will that be all?"

As Claire said "Yes", Elkay said "For now". The teen rang in their purchase.

"That'll be fifteen dollars."

Claire's eyes went wide.

"That's outrageous!"

"Yeah, that's why you should use the club coupons," Elkay remarked. Then, leaning closer to the cashier, "She's a newbie."

Claire rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I'll pay, but you'd better make them last."

Elkay squealed with delight as tokens spewed out of a small machine and into a cup, which she snatched up before slithering to the games area. Claire sighed and leaned on the counter.

"How much is your salad bar?"

"Six ninety-nine for all you can eat."

"That's pretty steep, but I can eat a lot, so I won't complain. I'll be there all night, if-"

Elkay returned. Claire looked her over with puzzlement.

"Are the games not working?"

"Oh, they're working fine, but I'm out of tokens."

Claire's mouth hung open in horror.

"Yeah, that's why you wanna buy a lot at once," Elkay smirked.

***CEC***

Claire wanted to die. She had spent nearly sixty dollars on tokens (she didn't end up buying any food, which made her even crankier), and the cacophonous noise of Chuck E. Cheese was making her head pound. She swore that if the "Give Yourself a High-Five" song came on one more time, she'd slaughter everyone in range. For the fifth or sixth time that night, Elkay returned with an empty token cup and a fistful of tickets.

"Good news, Claire!"

"You're ready to leave?"

"No. But I almost have enough tickets for that big dinosaur!"

Elkay pointed to a stegosaurus on the prize shelf. It looked like it might cost five bucks at a dollar store, but Claire had a funny feeling that it was being sold for more than that.

"How much is that gonna cost?"

"In total, around two hundred and fifty dollars, but I already have half of the ticket value from when Owen brought me here."

Claire groaned and smacked her head on the table.

"Can't you just buy it somewhere else?"

"That's not the point. It's no fun if you don't play."

" _I'm_ not having fun."

"Well, I offered to give you half of my tokens . . ."

"You mean the ones I paid for with _my_ money?"

"Yeah . . ."

Elkay blinked.

"Claire, are you _mad_ at me?"

"WHAT DO _YOU_ THINK?!"

Elkay folded her ears.

"Well, gee. There's no need to be upset. If you don't want to give me tokens, don't give me tokens. No one's forcing you."

" _YOU_ ARE! YOU'VE BEEN HASSLING ME FOR MONTHS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH ELLIE, BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

She stood up and marched towards the exit.

"Honestly, I don't know why I even wanted your approval."

Elkay's ears went limp, hanging by her cheeks like wet socks.

"You only did this to appease me?"

Claire wheeled around.

"Don't play stupid. You know you were manipulating me."

Elkay frowned indignantly.

"I was manipulating _Owen_ , but I thought _you_ were bringing me here on account of what day it is . . ."

"Christmas was _four_ days ago!"

"No, not that."

"New Year's?"

"No! I guess this explains a few things. I was wondering how you found out the date, and I just assumed you didn't buy the whole bundle because you had no idea what you were doing, or else Owen told you I only like tokens . . ."

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"It's my birthday."

Claire tensed up a little.

"Oh."

Elkay bit her beak.

"It's okay, though. If you want to take my tickets and ticket receipts, you can get yourself something nice at the counter."

"I don't want anything."

"I figured, but I can't take the tickets now, and I don't want them to go to waste. You could get yourself some stickers or a smaller dinosaur-"

"No, just keep the tickets. It'll be my present."

"Okay . . ."

Claire shuffled over to the door, not knowing if she should be lenient with the dragon. On one hand, she seemed genuinely upset, but on the other hand, she had made that colon remark, which indicated that this could all be an act . . . unless it was the other way around.

Claire didn't realize that she was standing in place until the dragon pattered up to her and held out a single token. Claire looked from the coin to her face, which showed no emotion.

"I was saving one for you, even though you said you didn't want it. I know you're not the kind of person who does childish things- at least, not in the public eye- but I figured you deserve to have a little fun tonight, and nobody here will recognize you."

Claire sighed with defeat.

"How many more tickets do you need to get that dinosaur?"

"Claire, you don't have to-"

"Just tell me."

"There's no guarantee I'll get enough-"

"Would one hundred tokens cover it?"

"You shouldn't-"

"It's okay. We'll play a few games, get the dinosaur, and go home."

"We?"

"Yes. I need something to pass the time, so I may as well contribute."

Elkay folded her ears.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I want to see what all the fuss is about."

Elkay batted her eyes.

"I didn't expect this. You're a lot nicer than my mother."

"Wh-"

"And my father."

Claire narrowed her eyes.

"Okay . . ."

"We don't have to talk, if you don't want to."

"If you're having issues-"

"I always am, and I know you are, too. I won't use what you tell me here against you. What happens in Chuck E. Cheese stays in Chuck E. Cheese."

Claire sighed.

"Alright."

They purchased one hundred tokens, then made their way to the dragon game. Claire pulled the lever, winning two tickets.

"Was that good?"

"Kind of. You gotta plan ahead to hit six, or the bonus."

Claire nodded.

"I feel bad about what I did to Ellie."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Of course. It's only natural."

"But you've been hassling me about it!"

"Yes, because I'm upset about it, too, and I need someone to blame, or I'll blame myself."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And once we leave here, I'll continue to blame you, and make remarks about your colon and what I'm going to do to it."

Claire winced.

"I guess we'd better make these coins last, then."

"You say that, but by the end of the night, you'll be blowing through them like I do."

Claire smiled.

"I guess you're right. Promise not to tell?"

"Promise."


End file.
